Days Gone By
by Fail with Eloquence
Summary: Sending her away was easy. Losing her was not. 10/Rose. The Stolen Earth spoilers.


Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC; "Days Gone By" belongs to Gavin Mikhail

Spoilers: Doomsday through to The Stolen Earth

A/N: More closure? I wrote this after listening to some good Gavin Mikhail after the reunion, and I figured it just fit. You really need to go listen to the song to hear how emotionally powerful it is, and you'd probably agree.

Oh, and I'm not bashing David's acting skills. You'll see what I mean.

* * *

Sending her away shielded me. It was easy. It was selfish. It was painful, but how many companions had I sent off? I could cope. It was easy. It was _easier_.

Having her come back to me knocked my shield down. It sent us, or rather, could have sent us, into many new developments and just the thought of that made me pretty happy. Hell, it made me really happy. How many companions had come back not just once, but twice? Yeah, I was ecstatic. They always try to break us up, but they never ever will.

But never say 'never ever'. I realize now how silly I was to even say something like that to her when she was gripping my hand with such an amazing smile on her face. I loved her smile. It always stuck out to me.

Loosing her was hard and my broken shield let my hearts burst and ooze onto the grating as I said goodbye to her at Bad Wolf Bay.

Meeting Donna Noble was a not-so-pleasant surprise. At first. With my face covered in tears, a woman in a wedding dress was the last thing I wanted to find. Nevertheless, she turned out okay, but her rejection was like a slap in the face.

And then I found Martha and my shield repaired itself. I knew how she felt about me, but ever the talented actor, I put up a front and I had no such clue. All because I was scared to say anything. I was scared that things would get awkward and she'd leave. I was scared to be alone again and wallow. I really do hate wallowing. And so I pretended to be ignorant. It was easy.

But a whole lot of good that did me. Maybe my acting skills weren't top notch like I thought they were, because she knew that I knew, and she left anyway. And I was alone. Again.

Without Martha. Without Donna. And without Rose.

My attempt at 'moving on' was with Astrid. It wasn't even really my attempt because she's the one who kissed me, but I still invited her in knowing all too well where it would lead. But even then, I had lost her. Again.

When I'd found Donna again, I was almost happy at the way the most recent of events had turned out. And when I heard her say the two most terrifying words to me, I could've just about picked her up and kissed her senseless.

But I didn't. Because Bad Wolf meant the end of the world. And Bad Wolf meant Rose.

But still, even hearing Donna say 'Why don't you ask her yourself?', it had me scared to turn around. Scared to get my hopes up.

And when I turned, I could feel my hearts beating so hard they threatened to break the barrier yet again. Her smile had always stook out to me. The only thing I could even think of was seeing it up close and my legs took off before I could even comprehend that her hair had grown longer.

But you know, some people really just cannot have their happy endings.

I saw the look on her face before I even heard it, and I knew what was happening.

Being shot by a Dalek is never pleasant, Jack should be able to tell you that, and the only thing to bring light to the seeping darkness was her face above me, but I could feel myself break again because she looked oh-so-much like she did when I told her she'd never see me again.

Because now she really won't ever see me again.

And so now, lying on the pavement, I force her a smile. "Hey, long time no see."

"Well, you know," I can vaguely hear Jack behind her. "Been busy," she says as she smiles at me. I can't even help it and I shift at the pain and the panic takes over her. "Don't die." She's crying openly now and I can hear Jack telling them to take me to the TARDIS and now Donna's at my side wondering what the hell is going on but the only thing I can focus on is her.

_But god I miss you  
So much it hurts sometimes  
And I can't bring us back to  
All the days gone by_

Rose. She's gripping my hand now and I can barely recognize that we're in the TARDIS and this all seems too familiar.

_I took for granted  
That you were in my life  
Now I can't bring us back to  
All the days gone by_

She won't leave me. Jack is yelling at her and she's not even listening and I love her for it. But then she's gone and the three of them are standing there and I'm gripping onto the console. I look at her and she's terrified and it just breaks me.

It's never easy at all.

_I always loved you  
I miss you all the time  
I promise I'll remember  
All the days gone by._


End file.
